I noticed some of these things with my bf. Its amazing to have someone divide your struggles and share your joy with. Edited on November 18, at See the fundamental psychological logic I see from your statements I quote you " Its amazing to have someone divide your struggles" You expect someone to help you with raising your kids, someone who will have no biological incentive. Why would you expect a man to be involved in a struggle to raise kids who are not his DNA. Nature does not work this way.
What you are expecting goes against human nature. It would behoove you to take animal psychology class. Seneca Send a private message. How do you explain adoption then, when there is no biologic incentive as you said? IanLang Send a private message. When someone signs up for a dating site, even if they're just seeing what's out there, there's still the broad presumption that they might meet someone to date seriously, and maybe marry, and maybe have kids with. Most younger guys, if they're thinking of having kids at all, are probably angling to have their own, not necessarily raise someone else's.
Using a dating site makes it even harder because people have the luxury of being picky. When you meet in public, you have a chance to get to know each other before the subject of kids even comes up, and they might decide that the added wrinkle is still worth it.
But online, they can see that you have a kid and easily say "next. To all of it. I was going to post something really similar before I saw your answer. Dating is challenging enough as it is Some guys don't want kids at all, ever. Some guys aren't sure about kids yet. Some guys may be amenable to kids but would rather meet a girl without to have their OWN kids with.
And other guys may have kids already, in which case your kid just adds an extra complication. You say there are pros to dating a woman with a child. Because I cannot think of any. There are some elements of dating women with children that are not negative, or are tolerable, or some that may even possibly be enjoyable Now don't despair, some guys out there WILL tolerate the existence of the kids, and may even some day grow to love them as their own.
But without knowing you from Eve? As a general preference, all things being equal? Yeah, they'll want to avoid the baggage. Listen, full disclosure, I am a happily married man in my mid's with 3 wonderful baby daughters. They are the meaning of my life. I love my girls to death. Actually, that's an understatement, because having only one in my hand at a given time feels like a vacation.
Those moments when all three are screaming and crying to be picked up and held at the same time while my back muscles are spasming S. Forget dating other women with kids, my kids barely allow me to have a date my own WIFE. Or have a quiet sit-down meal with her. Or even just a conversation longer than 90 seconds without interruption. Again, I love my kids.
I treasure the fantastic challenges they provide. But that's because they are MY kids. And I know some things will get easier as they get older So if I were somehow single right now, given the choice between getting to know someone like my wife while dodging all the challenges of kids, and getting to know someone like her and NOT having all those challenges around It's hard enough out there already.
And the same applies to my stock, too. Like, I have no delusions that being an exhausted stressed out single dad would with a trio of children drawing on my time, energy, and money would somehow IMPROVE my dating ability or worth in the eyes of someone who has never met me. Lastly, my parents divorced when I was 4. My dad was a wonderful dad, and I'd like to believe I was a wonderful kid. My dad re-married and mother did so twice, so they both eventually found other people to be with.
Or, "No, we can't have sex on the couch because CaliBoy is here tonight. MsTempa Send a private message. I am a single mom. I find this interesting and totally understandable guys would think this way. However, I would not bring kids into meeting a guy until it got serious and introduce slowly. I would not expect the guy to help out and parent unless we got serious and he felt comfortable. A huge reason to consider a single,mom is because they know what unconditional, selfless love is MORE than a single woman without kids, not always, but I would say personally my kids have taught me so, so much about love and being more caring, forgiving, etc.
Secondly, as a single,mom I feel I am much more mature and emotionally stable than I was before. I also am financially independent and take thinga not as serious as I use to. Kids teach me how to laugh more and,have fun, Thirdly, you get to be a kid again, and,nothings better than that!! And bring on the fake bugs or easy bake ovens.
Hierophant Send a private message. Your best bet for dating is other single fathers. As a single father myself, when I was dating I specifically looked for single mothers because they can relate to my schedule and would understand my kids coming 1st in life. Are you looking at single fathers too? I have a tough time thinking the average single father is saying 'no' to the question of kids - would make him a bit of a hypocrite.
Weyland Send a private message. I like women with children. I like kids, but don't want to create them. I've been in the step parent role before and loved it. Being able to make a difference in a child is a great thing, although it is a challenge. I have a friend who is a single mom with a boy. She complains about men not wanting relationships, and she resents my view of it. She thinks she's putting enough effort into but, she really isn't. I was a man without children who met a woman with two daughters and spent far too long trying to make something worthwhile before realising that building something meaningful was impossible.
My advice to any childless man would be to avoid a woman with children at all costs because quite frankly the children are the most important figures in the situation and they didn't invite you in. If you try to get on with the children they may reject you out of loyalty to their father, if you are cautious and circumspect, the mother will question your commitment and the child may feel rejected.
The father is also able to make your relationship impossible by saying certain things to his children or behaving in such a way towards his your partner that she is fearful, stressed or constantly feeling guilty. If the father is dead or has nothing to do with the children then you have a better chance of things being better, just as if the children are very young but you are still entering a broken situation. I wish that I had stuck to my guns when I suggested that we live apart and see each other on a casual basis. I took the poisoned chalice when she told me that she needed me to "commit to me and my daughters".
Several years of struggle later I'm told, "this can't work because they just won't accept you". If you do decide to take the gamble then look closely at the children and family dynamic and decide for yourself whether you are a good fit for the entire family. Getting on well with the woman is not enough. Betty Send a private message.
A man once told me "there are plenty of woman without children, why take on the responsibility of a woman with children, when I don't have to. Sal74 Send a private message. Her kids will always come before me. Which they should she'd be a lousy mother if they didn't , but it means she probably won't be able to focus as much attention on the relationship, and thus is not what I am looking for. How much responsibility is she going to expect me to assume? Is she going to expect me to take her AND the kids for ice cream?
Play taxi if her kid has soccer practice and she is running late? What about the daddy? They're his kids too, he might expect to be part of their lives. Is he going to come around causing trouble? On the other hand, what does he know about her that I don't that made him feel like he needed to end the relationship despite having kids wityh her? These may or may not apply with a woman with children, but they almost certainly won't be an issue with one who doesn't. Thank you for all your responses!
It's great to hear directly from the source as there are many reasons posted that I've never even considered. And to answer your question CaliMAn, some benefits would be that single moms, for the most part, don't play games no time! Any advice on what I can do or maybe include in my profile that might ease any fears? My son is almost 4 and so while more dependent on me than a 10 year old, he's not a baby either.
I absolutely intend to keep my son and my dating life separate so no one will be meeting my son until I become serious with someone and we've decided it's the right time. If I were you, I would leave my son out of my dating profile. You have on there that you have kids but other than that you need to be seen as a woman who may be dateable not somebody's momma.
As screwed up as it is, you are looking for somebody that likes you in spite of you having kids.
7 Tips About Dating Guys Who Have Kids | Thought Catalog
Its a weird thing I know but it is pretty much reality. Zombie Send a private message. Honestly, you should post the text of your profile and we can help you more that way. Some things that sound innocuous to women, set off red flags for men. Also don't expect that every single mom has her crap together like you say you do.
There're a lot of women in that situation by choice or by circumstance who are not competent adults. Unfortunately, the stigma those women have earned is shared among the group whether you deserve it or not to a certain extent anyways. I'm a 51 year old male and in my mid 20's after becoming a Vice President I met recently divorced woman at a bar named Joan. As the evening progressed and after several drinks and long conversation progressed she had the basic low down on who I was and I also understood that she was recently divorced with two children.
Her husband had cheated on her. To make a long story short we ended up back at my house around 1 a. The kids were not the issue. I've now been married for 18 years and look back on Joan with a few regrets. I simply wasn't mature enough not enough in savings, not enough experience, frankly probably not enough courage to handle being an instant daddy.
I often wonder what my life would be like if I stuck it out. Probably no worse off than now and frankly the sex was out of this world. Don't be afraid to explore new territory or accept additional responsibility in your life. You never know what it may lead to. Horpylorf Send a private message. What does being vice president spelled in big letters have anything to do with dating a woman with children? Are we supposed to be impressed? Seek out narcissism and neutralize it in all its subversive forms. I like this man. A real man acknowledges his shortcomings and grows from it.
Good for you, don't do something your gut says you might regret!! Taking extra responsibility as dear as children can be a huge blessing for you and them!!!! Love is a gift, loves lives given!! Patrick Send a private message. Another reason is women are very unpredictable and are very powerful in legal matters. A woman scorned or just crazy and wants revenge for something a man did to her she can.
Men all over are incarcerated for things they didn't do because of a woman. Its already to risky getting involved with a woman these days and one with kids is even worse. Rafaela Send a private message. You should start dating those poor men incarcerated cause all women are so dangerous and out of control.
Most of my friends say they dream of calling The police to falsely acuse men for Child abuse. Actually, that is all we think about from day 1 after meeting a Guy. Dantheman Send a private message. I avoid women with kids because of the following: This is how i experienced dating single mums a few years ago, it really put me off. The other thing that put me off is when ur given the impression that ur lucky when they realise you have a free life, the mother of the kids makes you feel guilty, The other thing that puts me off is the fact that a few are just money grabbers.
I ve experienced this on one occasion. I personally would rather be single than deal with all the drama associated with other people's kids. I know this isn't the case with all mothers, it very much depends on their attitude really. Thought id just share my experience with single mums.
The mother's attitude is only part of the issue. The emotional firestorm that happens after a family break up is no place for a man without children. The woman can try all she wants but if the kids and their father want you gone then you will be. If you have kids then it's different because you are both in the same boat George Send a private message. I have a child but I do prefer dating women without a child. My relationship with her mother is clear cut no drama. Most of the time there is a lot of drama and jealousy involved. I feel like thats why im not to keen on dating someone else with kids.
My son is 4. Im trying to convince my ex to sign over his rights since he isnt there anyway. But the drama that comes with it. It would have to depend on if their relationship is civil or not. May88 Send a private message. Everyone has a stereotypical view of a single mum, however you cannot base general opinions on this in reality. To the men on here I think you are doing yourselves a disservice, there are many great men with the capacity to love beyond shared dna just like there is for women. Personally I see having kids as a positive as it weeds the good from the bad without having to actually do anything.
In response to some of the shitty comments that I see as derogatory towards single mums. There are good and bad people with and without kids so be more open minded to giving people a chance. I have worked hard to get where I am all without the help of any man so why would I take from one now. Some of us single mums have strength, determination and strong morals that are enhanced by the need to do right by our kids. I drink less have zero flings, more focus and a much more grounded life.
I believe many men would prefer that to someone who has a string of exes, one night stands and goes out getting on it every week. Chloe Send a private message. Well said and included right there with you! I'm dating a divorced dad with 2 children. Although the ex wife has the children a majority of the time, there's still a lot of time and money that goes to into them.
Like most women, I like kids and babies. Yet, I dont want the financial burden of another woman's children, who have ADHD and other developmental problems. For one, I have very little say in how the children should be raised and I get very little gratitude for my contributions. My guy fiance is starting his own business and so he doesnt have a lot of money. We live together, and I have ended up with the bulk of the living expenses. His kids are the one major strain on the relationship. I blame myself for disliking his spoiled brats. At the same time, how else am I supposed to react to this lopsided situation and the awkwardness of having to be a part of this fragmented family?
It could also be that I've not like the Generation X's helicopter parenting style. Other than that, my fiance and I have a lot in common. A less than perfect situation but I suppose there could be worse. Edited on September 4, at Maybe you have to stop online dating. I had a handicap as well, called old age. Even my 10 years my junior husband said that he would never have searched for a woman as old as I am.
I also had a little bit of another handicap called race. Very few men respond to black women's profiles. So I stopped online dating and began living in real life. Don't feel down about old age! When I was in my early twenties I had a string of young women who I couldn't stand.
They were immature, irresponsible, didn't have a mind of their own, and badgered me constantly about wanting a baby. I wanted a woman who had been there, done that, and gotten over it about everything in life, not just having children. By the time I was twenty four, I was looking at women forty, fifty, sometimes rarely even sixty years old.
Don't you or any woman think your age is bad. As a mature woman you are not held back, you do not burden your partner, with inexperience and uncertainty! I had a friend who did Match, and she said her number of "hits" went down dramatically when she hit Apparently "35" was a hard limit for a lot of men.
Milan Send a private message. Most single fathers are really looking for someone to help take care of their child, for someone looking for a relationship it isnt best dating a single father unless u are looking for extra baggage untop of ur own. Reasons I will not date a woman with a child: By their very nature, a woman will treat her child as first priority in everything.
Now I understand this is a good thing, but when I am a single guy walking into the picture, I don't like the thought of it. I can take it or leave it, in which case I choose to leave it. Also, I have tried dating women with children in the past because they tend to be homey and serious, which I was always a mature man for my age and love a home-bound woman or serious-about-life woman. But when they put on their online profile that "my kid is my life" or "I want a man that can treat my kid great" just doesn't sit well with me.
Us men know that the kid is their life, but I would be more wanting to date such a woman if she would at least downplay the child thing. It is more inviting if the woman would just downplay their child instead of bolt out at first glance that "my child is my life and you are not welcome in my or my child's life unless you are a stable and serious man".
I am a stable and serious man and I still get offended at that typical online profile saying. Are you willing to date men with children? In fact, I'd prefer it because they would be able to relate better. Unfortunately, I haven't found many. For me it's mostly because I was raised by a single mother, meaning that there was a parade of men coming in and out of my life, most of whom were terrible people that have given me a plethora of emotional issues since and I don't want to become that which I hate. Next reason is that the lady in my life is the most important thing to me but that wouldn't be reciprocated yep, selfish of me.
If we had a child together of course I'm going to have a preference for my own biological child over the step-child and that's not fair either. Also baby-daddy dramas sound awful, I wouldn't want to deal with an ex on the reg. I wasn't raised by a single mother but met a woman with children when I was in my 30s.
A post divorce family is in emotional turmoil and the children are completely thrown by it all. It is an act of supreme folly for a childless man to enter such as situation. Put simply, you have very little say in the progress of your relationship so why the hell be there? I have three kids and Im Luckily for me , I don't have a problem in getting a date.
I got emails and invites after few hours of signing up. There are men out there that like to date women with children. I even got emails from 20 and 30 year olds. Dawson Send a private message. You can't be that naive!! These guy want to get laid not play house with you are your tgreee kids Wondering what the pros are to a woman with kids bc I dont know of any.
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Were great at scheduling. Our kids need to be at places at certain times, so we have plenty of pratice. We always have snacks on us. Youre still hungry after dinner? Typically, we dont need you. Weve got our finances covered, weve learned to be handy im ripping up carpet and laying down hardwood floors now , we can cook a great meal on a dime. You get the chance to do things as a kid you never got to do. Your dad never played catch with you? If love is the goal, and I would hope it is You date, get to know each other, have sleep overs, make memories - genuinely get to know them.
If the feelings arise, that panic or predisposed judgment will start to fade. It comes with obstacles - sure.
Why wouldn't you a date a woman with a child?
There are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. Eh… I was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Will he put you first? Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama?
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What about keeping two women happy? These women, however, do happen to be a minority. Fact is… there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. It is a reality that single people have to face. You could actually find a great person who shares common interests, goals and views with you. My guy possesses the main characteristics I usually go for, smart, sensitive, ambitious etc. I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well.
He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. Seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. Bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well.
Of course, I was also nervous that my guy would analyse me. I was more nervous about meeting his child. Would I be accepted? Would the kid like me? Somehow I felt I had to impress the kid. Receiving the biggest smile was my ice breaker. The kid was smitten… okay… not totally. Still, it was a great relief to have taken that step. Seeing a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females — me included — tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates. Possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband.
So does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy? Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage? He just might be. While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out.
In this type of relationship, things can also become even more complicated than they already are, so communication is key. All you need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure you can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship. Look out for a new issue of Outlish. She loves to talk as much as much as she loves to write, and is currently pursuing a degree in media and communications.
She also happens to be an avid foodie. She is learning to not take life too seriously and plan so much. SO many articles or blogs online say avoid dating someone with children, its not worth the drama. Seems like a lot of women are jealous of their partners kids.. How can you be jealous of the attention a father gives their children? I love watching him with baby girl… and I love even more when she smiles at me or reaches for me. Elle that is incredibly sweet and inspiring. Im currently interested in a guy and we are stuck on a plataeu because of his child that i would one day meet.
Im so stuck on what to do, because i know i will always be second. The reality is that Nothing is really stopping her from one day coming back to claim her baby girl and creating more drama in your lives because she feels angry and jealous. Do you have to participate in changing pampers and feeding the baby and all the many needs of this baby? He told me he has a daughter, who is just a few months old a few weeks before we started dating, since him and I started out as only friends. Yes, I am a sixteen year old girl, dating an eighteen year old boy who has a daughter that is about seven months old..
I loved reading this. The baby momma is already expressing dislike for you. At your age your suposed to be meeting different boys and learning about yourself. Hi,I have been dating a guy for 6 months. I have met his officially once already. He said she is not ready for someone in their space right now. I have been super nice to him. He comes home that is how we spend time together. Other times he is at work everything else is spent with his 10year old daughter.
Rachel, my advice is dump him while you can. It will get much worse. As a childless woman, I am having a hard time accepting that my boyfriend has a child in terms of our long term future. This takes away from the security I feel in my relationship because I will always have someone greater than me in my own relationship.
The same way that single father might reject a woman too skinny, too short, too fat, without blonde hair, bad teeth, etc……. I see thru you fool. New for you, women aint that dumb no more. I just feel insecure and out of place. I just started seeing this guy who has a 2 year old son, I was very very hurt at the start, all i could think of was the mother of his son, I adore him, and his son, but the mother just makes me feel so small lol.. Yes, I agree with the person who talks about preference… Just like we make our decisions to date someone based on looks, gender, financial status, education, etc.
If he makes you happy and you can accept his child then great, be with him! The boys love me and snuggle me while watching movies and we all just have a great time. Only when the ex is brought in which is pretty much every day or every other day is when it gets to me. Well then I tell him. Not just me but two. Can anyone please give me suggestions or recommendations on how I can approach this situation with confidence and not be so jealous of their relationship?
Please before this ship sinks!! Dating men with children has consistently proven to me that its full of pitfalls and really significant challenges. This is what women need to ask themselves if they are willing to put up with: Expect to be competing for his attention, time and money. And if your guy uses his kids as an excuse for why he cant give you the time you deserve, shut and lock that door and run the other direction. This whole idea that women should have to settle is utter bs. There are all kinds of men without kids. Women without kids would be crazy to settle unless they love coming after the kids and ex, would love babysitting the kids and spending money.
In many states the stepparents often have to support the kids and there are cases where the new spouse had to pay child support and alimony to the ex because the parent lost their job. Many single dads are very bitter and either look at the new woman as a punching bag hopefully not literally or a cash cow. There is nothing positive about a childless woman dating a single dad. Do you think it is appropriate for him to see his kids at her house? Or join them on her family gatherings? IF he never has dated a woman with kids and he has a kid RUN!
This means he thinks he Is superior and his child is too. They might start out attentive because they know you are a good catch but then when they think they have you the selfishness sets in. Trust me that one question every time reveals the true character. I am dating a guy with a daughter and I do not come first. He puts her to bed usually right before 11 and then goes to bed himself leaving me up to do whatever.
He only has her on the weekends but it is very stressful because I do not agree with how he raises her. If you want to have your own children and get married good luck getting him on board after the mess he has to deal with from child support and divorce. Mostly horrible with a few fun and sweet moments with the child. I am a year-old, never-married woman dating a divorced man with one 8-year-old son.
I can honestly say I will not do it again. CS25, you are completely correct. The fact of the matter is you will end up supporting the kids. Maybe not directly but you will have less money to pay your bills. I have read numerous articles and comments about beinging in a relationship with dads when you are child free and this is my 1st time in this situation and I can tell you that I have never felt so insignificant exhausted with a relationship in my life!
I googled it because I always felt uneasy thinking about the future. In 2 years we have been on numerous trips together, talks about marriage and starting a family, buying another home, trips with the kids. We both have great careers so our plans are attainable. And to know that I am the one really sacrificing to make this work gives me knots in my stomach! My needs, wants and feelings are always last and when I hear his bm call and demand things and literally see him scramble to make them happen, while telling me that I have to wait cuts deep. Im attractive…just turned 30, come from a loving family and have been independent since
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